Brooklyn Nets New Year’s Resolutions

Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Deron Williams, Brook Lopez
Well… (AP)

Andray Blatche

Andray Blatche (AP)
Andray Blatche (AP)

Andray Blatche 2013 Stats: GP: 79, MPG: 19.8, FG%: 50.2% 3FG%: 21.9%, FT%: 67.9%, RPG: 5.11, APG: 1.16

RESOLUTION: Andray, Just keep doing you. I don’t think anyone else knows what that means but you. Not even I do. But whatever it is, do it.

I know I make fun of you, saying that you’re the hardest player to grade night in and night out because you have the streamlined process of a nuclear reaction, but you’re one of the few oddly entertaining things about this year. This team is horrible. We all get that. But in that sea of sadness, whenever Andray Blatche has the ball in his hands, the sport turns upside down and the world stands still.

Keep being seven-foot Jordan Crawford. We need it. Don’t ever become efficient, despite my pleas. Don’t ever stick yourself under the basket and become a 17-10 big man who shoots 55% from the field, all within 5 feet. Always fall prey to your guilty pleasures: the unnecessary behind-the-back dribble, the stepback jumper, the Eurostep around no one, the stupid on-court celebrations and complaints.

Friends don’t let friends be boring and good. Friends let friends be creative, stupid, and great. Don’t be vanilla when you can be Karamel Sutra. Don’t become Brad Daugherty when you can be Andray Blatche.

HIGH POINT: Blatche had a lot of great moments on the court, particularly in the playoffs next to Brook Lopez and one half against the Sacramento Kings where he shot 9-9 from the field. But is there any higher point for Blatche than cheering himself on in a video game?

LOW POINT: Yeah, this happened.

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Full List:

Alan Anderson | Andray Blatche | Reggie Evans | Kevin Garnett | Joe Johnson | Andrei Kirilenko | Shaun Livingston | Brook Lopez | Paul Pierce | Mason Plumlee | Tornike Shengelia | Tyshawn Taylor | Mirza Teletovic | Jason Terry | Deron Williams | Billy King | Mikhail Prokhorov | Jason Kidd |