Brooklyn Nets New Year’s Resolutions


Deron Williams: Torture into happiness.

To borrow a device made famous by Anthony Burgess’ novel (and Stanley Kubrick’s film), “A Clockwork Orange,” to celebrate the beginning of 2013, I think as he’s readying his next video session with interim coach PJ Carlesimo, Deron Williams should be locked in a room, strapped in a chair with his eyes braced open, and be forced to watch a looped video of little children playing with puppies while Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” plays in the background. Perhaps 12 hours of this video will lift D-Will’s spirits enough that he will channel this newfound positive energy into improving the consistency of his jump shot and his chemistry with his teammates, rather than developing a series of excuses ranging from the coach’s system to the HVAC unit of the arena he’s playing in. This “mind fix” might also make D-Will a more friendly interview with the bloodthirsty New York media while improving his body language on the sidelines so the YES camera crew is not forced to show awkward footage of a brooding point guard. 

-Mark Ginocchio

Full list:
Andray Blatche
Keith Bogans
MarShon Brooks
P.J. Carlesimo
Reggie Evans
Kris Humphries
Joe Johnson
Billy King
Brook Lopez
Mikhail Prokhorov
Tornike Shengelia
Jerry Stackhouse
Tyshawn Taylor
Mirza Teletovic
Gerald Wallace
C.J. Watson
Deron Williams