Tight Dwight T Sales Rep: “So let me get this straight: you have a friend who is a Magic fan, is the only one that still likes Dwight Howard, works out a lot, AND is into murals?”
Gift Buyer: “That’s the one.”
Sales Rep: “Oh, I have got the perfect thing for you.”
Garden of the Walking Dead
The gift that perfectly embodies the Knicks season so far; the only difference between zombies and the Knicks is at least zombies occasionally win.
Never Forget the Utah Days Deron
The absolute GREATEST part of this little gem is that the NBA store cut the price from $24.95 all the way to… $23.99. Seriously, a 96-cent price drop. Are we really that optimistic those Deron-goes-back-to-Utah rumors will come true? At least this year’s version of Deron Williams is somewhat dazzling and dancing to the rim unlike that past few seasons.
And for the Grand Finale
Jeremy Lin Knicks paraphernalia takes up about half of the sale items on NBA.com (examples here, here, here, here, here, and here). The one shown above takes the cake.
Not only is the shirt based around the obnoxious notion that fans want a hashtag-themed shirt, it has an amazing description that looks just tragic looking back at it:
“Jeremy Lin is on a mission to bring that coveted NBA title to NY. And he’s on a mission to have the biggest fanbase online in the Twittersphere. Spread the word about Lin and get him more followers by sporting this Majestic Knicks Twitter tee… If Lin’s tweets are as good as his game, then you are guaranteed to be entertained reading his feed.”
Just a reminder: Lin only played 35 games for the Knicks.
Is this something we do, make t-shirts commemorating a team simply getting into the playoffs? Seems like an awfully low bar to set considering half the league makes it. On the plus side, I can’t imagine the NBA sells many of these, so hopefully the extras are sent to charity.
A Gift for Man’s Best Friend
Is it just me or is that the most terrified dog you have ever seen? It seems like some intern took this picture in his backyard and they photoshopped the rest.
Now Something for the Ladies
This one is for the girl that wants to show off her Nets-Fandom, but still wants to pay tribute to the team’s New Jersey roots.
And A Calendar
There is some team-related merchandise that has a certain shelf life. An old jersey still has some value, at least it is a piece of clothing that can cover the upper-half of your body. But it’s probably best if the NBA gave up on trying to turn a buck on a 3-year-old calendar that was most likely never accurate.
The front image is of Brook Lopez. The secondary image on the back is Courtney Lee, who left the team after the 2010 season. Logically, the calendar can only encompass dates from the 2010-2011 season OR the 2011-2012 season.
Having Lee on a calendar that claims to mark the days of the year 2011 makes ZERO sense.
The only way purchasing this calendar has any practical value is if you are dating Drew Barrymore’s character from “50 First Dates” and you wanted to get an old calendar to put in your apartment so it wouldn’t mess with her time-continuity issues. And if that’s the case, don’t tell her about the Kevin Garnett-Paul Pierce trade, and how the Nets gave up three 1st-rounders for a year of Pierce and 2 sub-par years of KG. It will break her heart.
The Jet Has Landed… And Immediately Departs
Hey, I know Jason Terry is a fan favorite wherever he goes, but even the most optimistic Nets marketer could not seriously believe Terry deserved having his own t-shirt, heralding his arrival in Brooklyn. But for five bucks, could make a nice Nets-themed dish towel.
And The Best Nets Jersey You Can Still Get Is…
There was a time MarShon Brooks was considered a piece, if not a pillar, of the team’s future. Everyone remembers the comparisons to Kobe Bryant when Brooks was coming out of Providence. He had a fairly decent rookie season, enough of a season to warrant having his jersey sold. What’s sad is Brooks was traded in July of 2013. His jersey can still be had for anyone interested.
My suggestion: Grab it now, wait until another Brooks is signed by the team — according to Basketball-Reference, there have been five players with the last name Brooks in the history of the league, so I guess that means there is a chance there will be another one. Or, erase the ‘s’ and add in ‘lyn’ on your own, to make your own “Brooklyn” jersey.