A Totally Real AIM Conversation Between Rockets GM Daryl Morey and Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban

Mark Cuban, Nate Silver, Michael Lewis, Daryl Morey, Paraag Marathe, NBA, NFL, FBN, BKN ENT

***DMoney247 logs on***

cubancigar40: hey
DMoney247: Ugh.
cubancigar40: tough luck on Chandler Parsons picking us over you
DMoney247: I’m not doing this.
cubancigar40: that has to hurt
DMoney247: Look, Cubes: Parsons and Trevor Ariza had virtually the same season last year—we’ll be OK.
cubancigar40: yeah but CP is younger and loves hitting the club scene with me
cubancigar40: I win again
cubancigar40: Dallas! D-A-L-L-A-S!
DMoney247: OK, I’ve had it with you, Cuban, you’ve been spamming my AIM for months now and it’s time to end this.
DMoney247: We will be much, much better than your team down in Dallas.
cubancigar40: i’m listening
DMoney247: We’re obviously built around Dwight Howard and James Harden, two top-ten NBA superstars. Dirk barely sniffs the top 20 anymore. Yes, Harden’s defensive efforts have been…slacking, but with Patrick Beverly ready to accept a bigger role, Ariza on the wing and Dwight in the post, many of Harden’s inefficiencies on defense will be hidden.
DMoney247: In fact, we’re the closest thing to that awesome 7 Seconds or Less Phoenix Suns team from the mid-2000’s! The higher risk, the higher reward, baby!
cubancigar40: so you think you can just hide Harden while he’s on the court? you’re replacing your scoring with defense? Didn’t you trade Jeremy Lin and Omer Asik for pennies?
cubancigar40: PENNIES
cubancigar40: DON’T
cubancigar40: WIN
DMoney247: No, but…
cubancigar40: RINGS
DMoney247: Rajon Rondo might.
cubancigar40: lmao
DMoney247: We’ve got plenty of space and assets to snag a disgruntled Rondo if Boston does end up moving him sooner rather than later.
DMoney247: it’s all a game of chess, Mark.
DMoney247: You’re playing checkers.
DMoney247: Mark
DMoney247: Mark
DMoney247: Do you want to talk advanced statistics with me
cubancigar40: no
DMoney247: Do you want to talk advanced statistics with me
cubancigar40: no
DMoney247: Mark, do you want to talk advanced statistics with me
cubancigar40: there is nothing in this world i want to do less
DMoney247: Okay, if you insist
cubancigar40: i hate you
DMoney247: I’ve just got to pull up a few binders of my statistics and homegrown, organic scouting mechanics. Oh, are you still using box scores and SportsCenter Top 10 highlights as your measuring stick?
cubancigar40: LOL
DMoney247: Our pace ranked highest in the NBA last season at 98.8—you gotta shoot shots to make them, you know? Add that our sky high 106.7, 6th-raneked offensive efficiency, and pair it with an average defensive efficiency at 103.5, the difference is a satisfying 3.26, good for 9th in the NBA. Meanwhile, your difference last year was -0.37.
DMoney247: That’s a negative sign, Mark. Negatives are bad.
cubancigar40: zzzzzzzzzzz
cubancigar40: sorry, was dreaming about my NBA Championship
cubancigar40: have you seen my ring
DMoney247: Furthermore, for all the Vines and slander on our defense, our efficiency was ranked at 14th.
cubancigar40: nvm, found it
cubancigar40: it was on my finger the whole time
cubancigar40: it being my championship ring
DMoney247: Yours? Not all that much better at 104.0 and 11th.
cubancigar40: Dork
cubancigar40: DORK
cubancigar40: Sorry, my computer’s stuck
cubancigar40: DorkdorkdorkDORKDORK
cubancigar40: sure you guys are fast, but what about this whole “role players fall in line” problem Harden stirred up this summer?
DMoney247: Well, I wish he had phrased it differently. But he’s right in a lot of ways. At the end of the day, we’ve got two top superstars, we’ll fill in the rest of the pieces around them.
DMoney247: You’ll see, Mark! Soon enough you’ll see the headlines everywhere!
DMoney247: “Morey: A Genius”
DMoney247: “Morey: Master Puzzle Machine”
DMoney247: “Morey: More Handsome Than Cuban”
cubancigar40: “Morey: Fired After Another First-Round Exit”
cubancigar40: besides you guys have some serious depth issues on that bench Isaiah Cannan? Jeff Adrian? Donatas Montujuneo
cubancigar40: Monteunono*
cubancigar40: Motiejunas*
cubancigar40: sorry, autocorrect
DMoney247: You’re right, Greg Smith is a much better backup center. Either way, the depth isn’t that great right now, but I’m very high on Nick Johnson and Troy Daniels, hopefully they can provide some consistent punch off the bench.
DMoney247: You know, until Rondo gets here
cubancigar40: in a Boston uniform?
DMoney247: Even without him, we’ll still be 4th or 5th in the West.
cubancigar40: If you’re not, will you come on Shark Tank (Fridays at 8 on ABC 😉 ) to announce my utter brilliance?
DMoney247: I’ll buy 100% of that show at 34 cents.
cubancigar40: Can’t buy my ring tho
DMoney247: I’ll ban you from Sloan.
cubancigar40: OK, when Parsons becomes All-NBA with Dirk’s mentorship and Monta transcends his game to truly have it all and Felton doesn’t get arrested, will you admit I’ve always been right and that we’ll finish first?
DMoney247: First? We’re playing for second place here as long as the Spurs are in town.
cubancigar40: yeah
***PopAChampagneBottle has left the chat room***
cubancigar40: Oh, crap
DMoney247: Not again
cubancigar40: he always does this
cubancigar40: well, here’s to another year of trying!
cubancigar40: oh btw
cubancigar40: found this awesome article praising you
cubancigar40: http://dimemag.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/parsons-cuban.jpg
***DMoney247 has blocked CubanCigar40***

News from Around NYC