Nets vs. Cavaliers: A (Probably) Imaginary Conversation

LeBron James
(AP Photo/Amy Sancetta)
(AP Photo/Amy Sancetta)
(AP Photo/Amy Sancetta)

Tonight, the Brooklyn Nets take on the Eastern Conference-leading, back-to-back NBA Finals-appearing, and still-rocking-LeBron-James Cleveland Cavaliers for the third time before the All-Star Break. In the first two meetings, the Nets fell by the respective scores of 20 and 8 points, is another convincing win on the cards? Since then, however, the aforementioned James has made it clear that the Cavaliers are in danger of not repeating with the roster constructed as such, recently commenting in-depth on the team’s need for another playmaker.

With J.R. Smith’s unfortunate injury, the Cavaliers have been searching for answers and have lost 7 of their last 12 — but are they worried about the lowly Nets? Did they not just get pummeled by both the New Orleans Pelicans and Sacramento Kings, the latter of which savagely burned the World Champions on Twitter? In lieu of another preview in which we detail exactly the same weaknesses and pray to the same Caris LeVert throne, here is the probably (unreal) word-for-word conversation that Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love, and James are having right now:

[Int. Cavaliers’ locker room]

Kyrie Irving: “Are we worried about the Nets tonight?”

Kevin Love: “Nah, not really, we’re all All-Stars this season — they didn’t even get somebody in the Rookie-Sophomore game. Ha!”

LeBron James: “Well, maybe we should be worried, you know? We just lost to a Kings team without Rudy Gay… I mean, that’s not great, guys.”

KI: “Yeah, but they’re the Nets… you know, they’re 21.5 games behind us.”

LBJ: “Have you forgotten that they beat us last year in a game we deemed meaningless, right?”

KL: “Wait, what? When did that happen?”

KI: “Oh, yeah, I think I blocked that one out. OK, fine, point taken. But you scored 36 and then 19 in your two games against them so far this year, so we’ll be good. The Nets are giving up an insane 114 per game and we haven’t even played them since we got our new toy…”

*Kyle Korver continues to stand in the corner*

LBJ: “No, for real! That Caris LeVert kid is real good! You remember Wayne Ellington, right? His ankles will never be the same, unfortunately. He even had the guts to guard me last game! Me! I could hardly believe it!”

KI: “And I’m pretty happy I won’t have to deal with Trevor Booker tonight — who is out sick — because that dude is nonstop energy personified. Without him, well, let’s just say the Nets don’t exactly rebound well… though, Brook Lopez kinda lit up the Miami Heat the other night — did you know that guy could hit three-pointers?”

KL: “What, did he hit one or two? Three maybe?”

LBJ: “7 — you worried, Tristan?”

Tristan Thompson: “Nah, even if they have a good first half, they’ll have a bad third quarter. And they somehow have a good third quarter, they’ll have a horrendously miserable fourth quarter. It’s just how it goes for them over there…”

KL: “OK, let’s break it down just one more time — what is going to happen tonight?”

LBJ: “1. Justin Hamilton, Luis Scola, whoever it is — they’re going to have a hard time guarding you, Kevin.

2. Kyrie, you’re going to style on them — 32 points last time? Going against Spencer Dinwiddie and Isaiah Whitehead? They’ll need a lot more than luck to stop the Eastern Conference’s starting point guard, that’s for damn sure.

And no. 3 — Kyle, you got any idea?”

*Kyle Korver continues to stand in the corner*

KI: “That’s right! Opponents shoot 36.9% against the Nets this year from three-point land, so you just do your thing, Kyle, you’ll get plenty of open looks tonight.”

LBJ: “OK, bring it in! Don’t lose to the Nets on three!

One, two, three!

Don’t lose to the Nets!”