Hardwood Paroxysm’s Brooklyn Nets Preview

From the section named “Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks,” by Jared Dubin:

But… you’re still the Nets. You’ll never truly own the city that has had Knickerbocker-blue blood since 1946. Like the Mets, Jets and Islanders, you’ve always come second, and probably always will. Brooklyn’s hip and all, but it ain’t Broadway (to be fair, neither are the Knicks, but this is my section, damn it). Your elite point guard hasn’t really been elite since he came to your team a year and a half ago. Your shooting guard is hilariously overpaid, on the wrong side of 30, and isn’t Dwight Howard, the guy you really wanted this offseason. Your small forward is also overpaid, is in decline, and used to be a Bobcat. Your power forward is basically a Kardashian. And your center grabs more comic books than rebounds, and is so bad at defense that he can’t even defend himself from that terrible joke. Your bench consists of vaguely valuable cast-offs, an unknown Euro-dude and Jerry Stackhouse. And Avery Johnson still has a really annoying voice. You’re capped out from now until eternity with a team that isn’t quite a contender.

Prokhorov can needle Jimmy Dolan and the team across town all he wants. You can strike up rivalries from now until forever. It won’t matter. You’re still the Nets.