Jay-Z Lists Himself As One Of The Five Coolest Things About The Brooklyn Nets

Jay-Z listed the five coolest things about the Brooklyn Nets for GQ. The first few are good — the jerseys (great), the court (beautiful), Barclays (The Black House), and Brooklyn. But the fifth?

Jay-Z: “Me? Ha, I am Brooklyn.”

To be fair: he’s probably right. Jay-Z is one of the coolest things about this franchise. Bruce Ratner and Mikhail Prokhorov can’t sell a franchise to a borough while using eminent domain, but Jay-Z sure can!

Though if he wanted to seem humble, there are lots of other cool things about the Brooklyn Nets. Here are some of my suggestions:

• Gerald Wallace’s last-key-on-a-piano voice
• Avery Johnson yelling anything
• Brook Lopez’s comic book obsession
• Brook Lopez’s comic book that he’s writing with his brother
• JERRY “THE STACK HOUSE” STACKHOUSE. JERRY STACKHOUSE BASICALLY DUNKED OVER JOEL ANTHONY BUT DIDN’T TOUCH THE RIM BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT THE ARENA TO SHATTER INTO A MILLION PIECES. EVERYTHING JERRY STACKHOUSE DOES BENEFITS YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND HE COULDN’T CARE LESS. JERRY STACKHOUSE BOUGHT EVERY COPY OF RON ARTEST’S DEBUT RAP ALBUM JUST TO MAKE SURE NO ONE WOULD EVER HEAR THE MESS THAT EXISTS IN RON ARTEST’S BRAIN EVEN ACCIDENTALLY. IN THE FUTURE PLEASE LIST JERRY STACKHOUSE. THANK YOU.
• The portal in Deron Williams’ hair that takes you to the universe it was invented in
• The fact that the team is 11-5, their best start in franchise history
• The Brooklyn Game
• Kris Humphries moving on from Kim Kardashian
• Reggie Evans’s beard
• Andray Blatche playing basketball like a professional basketball player
• The Brooklyn Chant
• C.J. Watson’s nickname (“Quiet Storm”)
• Beyoncé

Feel free to mix and match any of those suggestions in any future interviews. Happy birthday, Jay-Z.