How To Win As Disappointingly As Possible, Courtesy of the Brooklyn Nets

Posted on: February 7th, 2013 by Devin Kharpertian Comments

To Whom It May Concern:

Below you'll find our updated version of How To Win A Basketball Game As Disappointingly As Possible, courtesy of the Brooklyn Nets and their 93-90 victory over the hapless Detroit Pistons.

If you:

  • Allow a clearly inferior team to lead after each of the first three quarters;

  • Register a plus-minus of -6 with your starting lineup against a starting lineup for an 18-31 team that has played all of 12 minutes together;

  • Shoot 35.6% in the first half against a defense that allows 44.5% shooting;

  • Have a high scorer at the end of said first half named "Reggie Evans";

  • Pay a backcourt roughly $188 million over the duration of their contracts to watch them shoot 9-25 from the field;

  • Have a maximum-contract point guard in that backcourt who commits six turnovers against a team that's fourth-worst in the NBA at forcing turnovers;

  • Allow zero-guard Will Bynum to record nearly as many assists as said maximum-contract point guard in 15 fewer minutes;

  • Play a floor-spacing power forward whose primary (read: only) NBA-level skill is outside shooting, and he shoots three shots -- all airballs;

  • Allow a game against a team headed to the lottery to come down to the final possessions;

  • Barely squeak out a victory even as the team's record-setting prospect goes down early with an injury and would not return;

  • Barely squeak out a victory despite allowing the opponent to shoot just 3-17 from three-point range;

  • Barely squeak out a victory despite drawing 10 more fouls than your opponent;

  • Get outscored 17-2 in transition to a team that plays a pace nearly as slow as your league-slowest;

  • Commit all of these heinous, victory-sapping acts against a team that has roughly seven people in attendance, including media members.

We hope you take these thoughts into consideration the next time you'd like to nearly give your fans a heart attack.

Thank You For Your Time,
-The Brooklyn Nets

Comments

  1. avatar DanRodriguez804 says:

    Hey, I’d much rather have a “disappointing” win (oxymoron) than an “impressive” loss. D Will did contribute nine assists as well. And anyone can have an off-night, especially on the second night of a back-to-back. Look, last night the division-leading Knicks lost to the second worst team in the NBA (Wizards), who also beat the Miami Heat earlier in the season.

    I think The Brooklyn Game has officially jumped the shark. A lot of whining of late. Where’s that Brooklyn toughness? BK, supposed to be tougher than most.

    1. avatar Max Weisberg says:

      We deliver opinions and news the way we see it and the way it should be delivered. If we can back them up with facts, then that’s even better.

      But just because this is a site dedicated to the Brooklyn Nets, doesn’t mean that it is obligated to be blindly optimistic all the time. No one here tries to be negative or positive all the time either. It’s all based on what is happening on the court and right now there is very little good happening out there. Not to mention that it’s on a downward trend.

      1. avatar kenji says:

        HI Max,
        sorry about jumping the gun about the blockbuster deal LAST WEEK-in the end you were right,it was inaccurate-my Nets SOURCE I BELIEVE WAS TALKING FROM HIS OWN OPINION RATHER THAN FROM knowlegeable insider info.

        BUT,i do i have one legit inside info. related to what you write–specifically, D WILL is known as an extremely moody guy-who no one can really understand day to day what frame of mind he is in—-this is sort of reflected in his play–this is reminescent of the Devin Harris days who also was known as moody and a complainer as a Net and i know for a fact that Rod Thorn was eager to get rid of him–like many teams have done subsequently to his Nets trade out of New Jersey
        the whole point is i dont think that the Nets organization should have annointed Dwill the leader with his personal issues
        it will be hard to get to that ELITE level with him as leader!!

  2. avatar Max Weisberg says:

    Remember in the beginning of the season when Deron Williams was talking about how everyone was satisfied with their contract situations? All of the key players were locked up and had financial security. He said “now all we want to do is win at this point in our careers.”

    Well I guess that is actually the down fall of this team now. Guys with boring personalities and little leadership characteristics are just fat cats who know they are going to get paid. No desire to win or be competitive because that check will be coming in no matter what.

    Sad and worrisome.

    1. avatar DanRodriguez804 says:

      Lol Max, I just think you like to complain. You complain about everything and everyone. So now the issue is they’re don’t want to win and are boring? Why don’t you choose a different team? There’s one across the river. You’ve made a lot of ridiculous statements here this season, your love for Teletovic and how the coaches are all idiots, but I think this is your most absurd comment yet. Who should be here that lacks that financial stability? Dwight Howard, who quit on his team last year? I think the fact that you’re here whining all the time is what’s sad and worrisome.

      I guess with the internet you don’t need any kind of journalistic training anymore to “report what you see”. This is my farewell comment. This site used to be good. Devin, you’ve done mostly good work this season. Hope you can right the ship. Peace.

      1. avatar Max Weisberg says:

        Clearly you don’t associate with many Nets fans. If you did maybe you wouldn’t be so shocked all the time.

        And just because I have different opinions than you is no reason to just stop sharing your opinions. Just don’t respond or read my comments if that is what you must do.

    2. avatar kenji says:

      Max,

      lastly,dont you think DWILL spending 16 million on his apt is a little excessive
      dont you think that he should be giving back to the community a little too!!
      he seems like a really selfish guy-not someone I would want to lead my team!!

  3. I have an idea.

    Why not try and offer Kris Humphries onerous contract for Kevin garnett. Garnett would be FAR more useful than Humphries has ever been this season and will probably improve the Nets come playoff time. On the flip side, Brooklyn can save face and send the underachieving bust contract of Humphries in return.

    Despite the unsavory idea of dealing with a division rival, the Celtics would certainly consider such a move as Humph’s contract will expire at the end of next season saving them an additional year of having a geriatric Garnett on the payroll and that Humphries is a better long term investment considering that he is 10 years younger.

    So what do you think? Makes sense, huh?